phlogistics (phlogistics) wrote,

CLAMP. Again. And other stuff.

Three years ago, I spent the summer consumed by feelings about CLAMP. I have now spent the last two weeks consumed by these same feelings. Unfortunately, in that the time X/Tokyo Babylon and Tsubasa fandoms have not gotten more active. While TRC marches on, sort of, my main loves appear to be as dead as ever.

So, while I actually have really enjoyed this excursion back into a previous major obsession, it's frustrating because there is literally nothing new. The main fics I've read have been things I was rereading. I feel like I've literally done nothing new and consumed nothing new, and it's awful. I've been searching around, but it hasn't resulted in much.

This, of course, really piles of top of the unfortunate feeling I've been having of utter non-productivity. I haven't done any work for my thesis, I haven't been useful around the house since getting home at all (and haven't even unpacked my shit from where it's been lurking in the hallway since I returned). I feel like I'm back in high school, almost, which is literally the worst feeling I could be having now, after having finally gotten my shit together and having a really great semester and being more put together than I've ever been before.

I've just recently realized how hard it's going to be to really do things I want and need to do this summer. Going back to work soon should help, because then I'll be on a schedule (if a shitty overnight schedule) and no longer able to just do whatever pleases me with pretty much no immediate consequences. But I also really need to start focusing on getting stuff for me thesis ready, and I've kind of arrived at one more conundrum-- whether or not to pursue the minor I'm interested in. And I need to decide soon-- like, today or tomorrow soon. Because I should've asked to take an honor's option on a course I'm doing next fall, but I haven't yet, and while the material is interesting to me, it's also a class that taking up a slot that I could be filling with something more interesting or useful. And I still haven't figured out how one actually signs up for those goddamn individual study classes, because it's right there waiting for me but I don't have the ability to sign up online regularly and when I asked about it the response I got wasn't actually helpful and just aaaaaagggh.

I need to email the head of my department so that she can email the dean of the honors college for me so that I can get honors credit for the first half of my thesis, and also see if she can tell me if I can/how I can sign up for it online. Stupid anxiety about sending emails. I hate needing to do things but wanting so badly to avoid them, because then I do irresponsible shit even more than usual.

Okay. I think I need to be a mature adult for a little while now and exit out of most of my tabs. Feeling less clutter online is, I suppose, one of many steps to take. And instead of doing what I usually do and going on the computer instantly today, I'll forego that and actuall remove the rest of my stuff from the hallway, and then attempt to sort it out. Then, I think, I'll head over to jstor to look up some stuff about a couple of topics (generally searching through terms I need to know about, general "war on terror", "drones", "international human rights norms"), and also I think I'm going to try to spend tomorrow actually reading, you know, a physical book. I should try to finish The Longest War.
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